You Make Life Easier

How do I do it?

Why do we do it?

How can I do it better?

These are questions that go through my head constantly. Last week I posted about Wyatt starting new trial and about how scary it is to join one of these trials. Obviously there is no promise that he is given the real medication or even if the medication he takes is safe. It is a true leap of faith knowing that we made the best decision with the information we had at the time.

After I posted it I received so many comments from friends and family about how strong we are as parents and compliments on how well we are managing everything and how lucky the boys are to have us as parents. As I read the comments I began to question myself and if I was truly worthy of all of the compliments. I began to worry that at any minute I could fail all of my friends and family with one misstep. I know when people look at our family we seem to have it all together...so when I lose it with the boys I not only feel like I let them down, but also everyone else. When I get frustrated with Wyatt or yell at Wynston I feel like I have fallen off this invisible pedestal. I not only feel the stress of failing my family but I also everyone else who is on our journey. We are all human and I should give myself some grace so what gets me through the tough days is remembering that I really am doing better than I feel like I am.

That being said, the other night the universe must have known I needed a little pick me up. After playing catch up from being out of school for the trial visit and after a few rough days at school I was getting Wyatt situated in bed he called me to come back to him. I took a deep breath because his night time ritual has gotten so involved I was just ready to get in my own be. Then he said you know what mommysaurus...(apparently everyone in our family is a dinosaur) "I love you so much. Thank you for helping to make my life easier." I was taken aback by this. I could feel what he meant by those heartfelt words. After all of the hours of helping him get caught up in Food and Nutrition, Civics and Financial Literacy this was his way of saying good job mom, I see you and appreciate you and I could not have done it without you.

Wyatt and I have a special bond. We spend so much one on one time together. He definitely knows how to push my buttons when it comes to life and school work. So I have to use the techniques I have explained to the teachers and as I thought they actually work. It is definitely not easy but we have been able to work together to complete what needs to be done on a daily basis. Thank God because he has many more visits before the end of the school year.

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I am so proud of all of us for keeping up with everything. I am thankful for Patrick and Wynston for holding down the fort while we are gone. Trials take alot out of everyone in the family not just the ones who travel. We strive to do it the best way we can and to ensure we remember the WHY we do all of these things. So even through the frustrations and yelling I do realize that all of the worries are worth it. This makes it easier for me to keep trudging forward and getting back up when I stumble or fall of the pedestal because in my own way "I have helped to make life easier."