When DMD Now Challenges Friendships

I’ve written many times about behaviors and DMD and how Wyatt has struggled with this since he was a toddler. We’ve worked through a lot over the years. He made it through school, graduated, and has two friends who have continued to stick by him since graduation. These boys are a little younger than Wyatt and are high school seniors this year.

Wyatt still struggles with impulsive outbursts, especially when he is feeling left out, frustrated, or reminded of the things he can’t do because of DMD. In the past, there have been a few times when his friends needed space because they were tired of how he was acting toward them. Usually, after a few days, things would calm down and they would reconnect.

This weekend, something happened that has really shaken all of us.

His two friends went to tailgate at LSU—just doing normal “college-like” things that high school seniors do. Wyatt had hoped they would come hang out with him at our house instead. He became upset and texted them some mean things.

I could tell almost immediately that this wasn’t really about being angry with his friends. He was hurting. He was upset because he desperately wants to be able to do the things they are doing and feels like he is being left behind.

His girlfriend and I tried to help him calm down, and once he did, he completely broke down. He was crying and said, “I just wish I could be like everyone else. It’s not fair.”

And honestly, that broke my heart.

Now his friends have blocked him. They have told his girlfriend they are tired of the way he acts toward them when he gets upset. I understand their feelings, too. They are 18-year-old boys who are growing up, making plans, possibly going to college, and moving forward with their lives. They shouldn’t have to constantly understand or excuse hurtful behavior.

But at the same time, we know that Wyatt doesn’t mean the things he says when he is in that emotional place. His girlfriend and I have learned that trying to reason with him in the middle of an outburst doesn’t work. We listen, give him time to calm down, and then we can usually talk through what happened.

The problem is that his friends don’t necessarily have the understanding or patience that we do—and I can’t expect them to.

Wyatt is now saying, “I don’t have my friends anymore,” and he doesn’t know how to fix this. They seem to have reached the point where they are tired of the cycle and no longer want to keep dealing with it.

I'm working on how I can help Wyatt understand how his behaviors impact others but how do I help him navigate friendships when impulsivity, frustration, and emotional outbursts related to DMD start affecting those relationships?

How do you help him understand that his feelings are completely valid, but that his friends are also allowed to have boundaries? And how do I help friends understand the difference between excusing behavior and understanding where the behavior is coming from?

Most importantly, how do we help Wyatt move forward from this without making him feel like he is simply “the problem” or that he doesn’t deserve friendships?

I know there isn’t an easy answer. I’m just really needing to vent because it is hard to watch as his mom. It's hard knowing that next year these friends and his brother will be graduating and these feelings are being left out are only going to get worse.

Right now, my heart is just hurting for my son. He isn’t angry because his friends went tailgating. He’s hurting because he wishes, more than anything, that he could go with them and experience life the way they do. 💔

****I am thankful for Ava because she is helping him but her heart is breaking too***