Feeling the Blessings and Anxiety Simultaneously

This week the boys started school and I am having mixed feelings. Since June I have been Wyatt's hands and legs and the chef, chauffeur, and scheduler of Wynston's social calendar. As much as I love having them home, it is exhausting at times so the past few days it has been nice to have a slower pace and can focus more on myself and what I need to do...like work and self care so I can be a better mom and wife. I feel like I have prepared Wyatt's teachers as much as I can, but I can feel the anxiety when I drop him off and on the way to pick him up. I am waiting for the email in a few days saying how things aren't really what they expected. I know I will get used to it and the anxiety will decrease but these first few weeks are usually the hardest.

I can't believe how much things have changed over the past few years. As I look back on the Facebook memories I see how much everything has changed, but what hasn't changed is the same message at the end of the post...God let them have a great year and let Wyatt's teachers will be able to "handle" him and his behaviors.

The last few weeks of summer have been busy for all of us. Wynston got to travel to the beach and camping with friends. On August 8th we celebrated Wyatt's 16th birthday

AND he got his new wheelchair. I was worried he wasn't going to like it but it has been such a blessing. He is able to raise himself up to get things and he can see over the car dashboard now. He can stand and be eye level with others. I think the standing feature is my favorite part...hugging him while standing up was such a blessing that I didn't even know to wish for. Honestly, I had never thought about the difference between a standing and sitting hug...I wasn't ready for the emotions when I was able to do it. The tears flooded my eyes. And when Patrick hugged him I could see the same feelings flow through him. Check out his recline feature in the picture below.

So, this week or next, the track for the ceiling lift will be installed. This is a ture blessing because I am so anxious when I pick him up, especially from the shower. Things can happen so fast and my brain needs the risk to be lower so my anxiety can decrease. I know this is not the answer for everything because Wyatt still loves to get on the ground and clean his wheelchair and it's tough to get him up from the floor but it will definitely be a HUGE help. It will also allow others to help care for him, which will allow Patrick and I to have time off here and there and not have to worry if he is ok. I will post pictures when it gets installed and we can all celebrate.

My anxiety has been so high lately with all the changes, the chronic grief and the worry about things to come has increased so I ask for you to say a little intention that I can calm the inner worries and enjoy our new found freedom with his new chair and his soon to come lift.